Moho Five Oh

a man and amen

2012-01-20T21:05:00.004-07:00

I was just re-reading a blog post I made two Decembers ago. I'm going to repost it here and add in my current thoughts: Dear Heavenly Parents, Thank you for sending me the man of my dreams. I loved him when I first saw him and I still love him today more than a decade later. This summer it will be 12 years, wow! Sometimes I feel frustrated that he doesn't love me the way I love him, but in my

the illusive third way

2012-01-19T06:49:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to Beck who has been out to his wife seven years and recently had a Capraesque moment with his wife. It certainly is relevant to those in mixed orientation marriages and helps put my couple of decades of being out to my wife in perspective. My three decade marriage to the female love of my life is wonderful and difficult. My decade of friendship with the male love of my life

A Thank You to the Reader I Don't Know

2011-12-11T22:41:00.004-07:00

I want you to know how grateful I am for you in my life. We’ve had some great times together on this little planet. I haven't met you yet, and you've only met me here and perhaps through Facebook, but still we are here on the same planet at the same time and that's something to celebrate. It is amazing to me that although I don't know you, you can read what I've written here. What remarkable

a moho haiku and a question about friendships

2011-12-06T07:30:00.001-07:00

I love my buddy His smile brings me joy A blessing of male Throughout much of my life, I've been frustrated by the lack of reciprocity in many of my male relationships. I expected more than most straight men could authentically give and because of my own homophobia I was unwilling to explore opportunities for friendship with gay or bisexual men. Given this background I'm so grateful when there

The Newspaper Article that Changed My Life

2011-09-04T16:38:00.002-06:00

Thursday, May 3, 1990, Deseret News Going straight? New therapy may help gay men, women later sexual orientation - but it faces a way of opposition In the 1970s, when gay men began coming out of their closets, Bill went deeper into his. It was one of those perfectly constructed closets, framed by marriage and children and a profession full of serious men in suits.  Way in the back of the

sort of a retweet

2011-07-16T23:35:00.001-06:00

I'm so glad a friend put a link to this on Facebook, but if you're not on Facebook, I'm placing this here just for you: Kent Boyd and Neil Haskell Even though it's been viewed more than 155,000 times, if you haven't seen it I wouldn't want you to miss it. What do I think about it? Here's what I said on FB: "Stunningly portrays the advance and retreat, betrayal and bonding, acceptance and

He didn't scream at me.

2011-07-15T14:22:00.001-06:00

my stepdad didn't scream at me as a teenager he saved his drunken outbursts for my mom one night I considered bashing in his skull with a hammer I left home after high school not to go on a mission but to escape him after I got married, he got in to AA got his 25 year pin 25 years of sobriety then 26, 27, 28 I held his hand on his death bed slowly we'd become friends over the decades he was a

another homemade vid

2011-06-26T00:15:00.000-06:00

my parody/tribute to Albany New York

Hey Jude - Hey Dude parody

2011-06-11T23:13:00.001-06:00

http://youtu.be/QaZ3q1-8bjw

More than Lunch

2011-06-07T20:18:00.001-06:00

Old friend calls today For a walk and talk and lunch He feeds my soul well His eyes glow with light As he asks "howya doin'? I lie to him "great" I do not tell him I love him, his smile, his scent He might not like that I love when he callsFor a walk and talk and lunchHe feeds my soul well Inspired by Chad's missionary poem

Not hungry? Just wait a while.

2011-05-19T22:24:00.001-06:00

Beck jolted me out of my silence with his entry the Hunger that never goes away, and his question "Will it ever?" All of which prompted this reply: Beck, my dear friend, do other hungers really ever go away? You eat a Thanksgiving Feast and a few hours later, what do you want? More food. Another piece of pie. Maybe a cold turkey sandwich. (pun intended) You attend the symphony or an engaging

It's You I Like

2011-04-17T23:16:00.000-06:00

Again Vic has inspired me. This time in his Gay Gospel Doctrine Class posting today. His take on God's unconditional love for all of his children reminded me of this Fred Rogers song: It's you I like. It's not the things you wear. It's not the way you do your hair, but it's you I like. The way you are right now. The way down deep inside you. Not the things that hide you. Not your toys. They're

Remembering My Mom

2011-04-11T22:13:00.000-06:00

Vic wrote about his mother and invited his readers to do the same. I took the bait. Thanks Vic for writing about your mom and for giving me permission to write about and try once again to sort through my mixed feelings for the woman who, along with my father, gave me life. The woman who fed, loved, clothed, protected, suffocated, enraged, humiliated, funded, manipulated, nurtured, plotted,

Man Wanted, But Does He Exist?

2011-03-20T23:08:00.001-06:00

Man wanted: A mere mortal who is able and agreeable, bright and bold, calm and clean, deft and delightful, enthusiastic and energetic, frugal and friendly, good and gregarious, hopeful and humble, insightful and inspired, jovial and just, keen and ok, loving and lovable, musical and mild, nice and neat, observant and obliged, pure and purposeful, quick and quiet, respectful and real, strong and

A 2008 St. Patrick's Day Prayer, and a question

2011-03-17T23:37:00.001-06:00

I've got a question about daily prayer: Do you pray every day? Why or why not? Now a confession: My prayers are mostly over meals these days. But I looked back in a journal and found this entry from Monday, March 17, 2008 at 7:05 a.m.: "Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I slept pretty well last night. Getting to bed a little before midnight, I think. I could remember a couple of dreams. They were dreams

Moho Limericks - Give it Try

2011-03-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm a somewhat straight fellow and gay And I'm happily married this day Sometimes my wife sighs She knows I like guys But pair bonded to her I will stay - - - I just know you, my few but dedicated readers, can have some great fun with this format. I invite you to add your own Moho limerick as a comment to this post. Happy soon-approaching St. Patrick's day.

Tiger in the Tank

2011-02-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

This happened a few weeks ago. I was nearly out of gas, so on my way to do some Saturday errands, I pulled into one of my local gas stations. Immediately this young man caught my eye. Not this photo is not of him. He was maybe about the same age, but much easier on the eyes. Much more relaxed. I fellow who seemed to be calm and happy enough that he might even have been humming to himself. I

Blessings of Brotherhood

2011-02-07T20:48:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I had a wonderful experience that I wanted to share with you. I was buying some stuff at a store and noticed that the cashier who was about to ring up my purchases looked like a friend of mine, which gave me warm feelings toward him even though we'd never met. But I decided to treat him as a friend and not a stranger. Our eyes locked as I walked up to the counter and said "

Short Friday Morning Prayer

2011-01-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

My Dear Father, I'm grateful for a good night's sleep and mindful of those who have worked or worried all night. I'm thankful that Friday is here and that I'll have a day of work today and then a weekend to re-energize, but I'm aware that some do not have jobs and some with work throughout the weekend. I'm grateful for friends and family, but aware that some feel all alone in this world. I'm

Thursday Morning Prayer

2011-01-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Father in Heaven, Thank you for the blessings of this day, of this week, of this year and the years preceding it. I'm grateful for the beauty of this week's snowfall, and I'm so thankful that I regained my balance so many times when I slipped and almost fell. Was it me alone? Did I have some steadying help from my guardian angel? Thank you, however you delivered the miracle, that I did not

Monday Morning Moho Prayer

2011-01-24T08:06:00.001-07:00

Dear Father in Heaven, I'm grateful for this day, another day to breathe, walk, smile, work, eat, and interact with my family, associates and friends. Thank you for granting me, and so many others on this small planet another day of life. Please bless us all. The nearly seven billion of us now on the planet. Please bless my loved ones, known and unknown. My future sons-in-law and grandchildren.

Lead with Love - on radio at 11:00 a.m.

2011-01-17T09:50:00.001-07:00

This sounds promising... maybe some of us should call in ;) 1/17/11: Lead With Love Doug Fabrizio (2011-01-17) SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (KUER) - Monday, Doug sits down with University of Utah psychologist David Huebner and filmmaker Jenny Mackenzie to talk about a new documentary they've created for parents of gay and lesbian children. Huebner's research has found that when parents reject their

Second Blogiversary

2011-01-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

My first Moho Five Oh post was January 9, 2009. Although this is not quite a mission, it has some similarities (pause to gain composure) and these have been among the two happiest (sniff, sniff) years of my life--really! Among the reasons are: I've had this opportunity to express myself much more candidly than ever previously, except perhaps in my unpublished journals; I've received tons feedback

Sunny Bedrooms and Basement Darkrooms

2011-01-07T21:04:00.002-07:00

In her blog Dancing with Crazy Emily Pearson writes of Searching for the Difference. She shares some of her findings about the lasting effects of sexual abuse, and then she asks this provocative question: Is there really a difference between Boyd K. Packer sexually crippling young gays from the pulpit and Uncle B. Pervy sexually crippling young children in the basement? My reply: Here's

My Happy New Year 2011 Video

2011-01-01T01:04:00.000-07:00

Alone but not Lonely

2010-12-29T17:52:00.002-07:00

(Gay) Mormon Guy's post about Fitting In prompted me to write the following. I figured I might as well share it here and ask for your thoughts and insights. Hey MG, First of all since I don't know your name, I hope you're OK with MG as nick name. If not let me know and I'll abide by your wishes. Second, I relate to your post. Even when I am among friends and family, I sometimes feel the

Make the Yuletide Affectionate

2010-12-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas Eve! This is my first moho video. Hope you enjoy! . p.s. I also posted on FaceBook but I think this YouTube version is the better upload. Let me know what you think.

My Christmas Wishes for You

2010-12-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

May you find beauty in the cold of winterwarmth in the glow of friendship and familypeace in your faithsatisfaction in sociality and solitude May you rejoice in the laughter of childrenand the elderlyand everyone else in between May you discover delightful thingsabout yourself and others May you enjoy good health,mentally, physically, spirituallyand in all other waysand may you help otherattain

If he's gone

2010-12-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

If the following lyrics attributed to Lennon/McCartney really are about the Beatles first manager, a gay man named Brian Epstein, then it seems to me that the "she" in the song should be a "he" so I've made the change in the text below. Here I stand head in hand Turn my face to the wall If he's gone I can't go on Feelin' two-foot small Everywhere people stare Each and every day I can see them

An Invincible Summer

2010-12-13T22:53:00.001-07:00

Dear Heavenly Parents, Thank you for sending me the man of my dreams. I loved him when I first saw him and I still love him today more than a decade later. Sometimes I feel frustrated that he doesn't love me the way I love him, but in my saner moments I realize there is wisdom in pairing me, a bisexual man who is a married father, with another married father who is straight. Yes, I sometimes

My straight married buddy

2010-12-06T21:56:00.001-07:00

My straight married buddy is a pretty nice guy But he doesn't have a lot to say My straight married buddy is a pretty nice guy And rarely changes from day to day I want to tell him that I love him a lot But I'd have chug a belly full of wine My straight married buddy is a pretty nice guy But he will never never ever be mine, oh yeah, He will never never ever be mine. He called. He came by. I

Both of us cried, when I told my Bishop

2010-11-28T18:46:00.003-07:00

Click image to see original Steve Walker painting. The latest blog from Invictus inspired me to write about my experience coming out to my Bishop, my former Bishop that is. He’s served his time and we now have a new young pup learning the ropes. Do puppies learn ropes? Oh the problems of mixed metaphors. Maybe I will also tell the pup someday, but right now I kind of doubt it. (The other week

My thanks to my toes, and you, and you, and you, and you

2010-11-25T09:20:00.001-07:00

As I awakened on this Thanksgiving morning of 2010, I thought of my toes and other things I'm thankful for on this cold wintry day in Salt Lake City. Toes - They're the farthest or is it furthest from my heart, yet they still live. Their nails grow much more slowly than my fingernails. I keep them in the dark almost year round, only letting them out a few days in the summer or a few minutes a

Seeking Warmth in Winter

2010-11-21T21:52:00.001-07:00

I shoveled the first big snow of winter this morning. Later as I swapped my cold boots for dry shoes, I looked at my unmade bed and thought about how nice it would be to snuggle with a loved-one on a wintry day like today. I thought first of my wife but then remembered how my occasional attempts at seduction have been rebuffed for years now. Being bisexual in my attractions, a few other women

Suicidal Thoughts - Conclusion

2010-11-11T19:56:00.007-07:00

An edited transcription of journal entries, 2001-2003. June 10 - Finally got into the Nurse Practitioner my counselor recommended. In addition to the Celexa I've been taking, she's started me on Wellburtrin. Watched some of the Tom Hanks's movie Philadelphia last night. The character he played, based on a real life lawyer, kept fighting against his former employer and against his disease of

Suicidal Thoughts - Part 3

2010-11-10T22:26:00.002-07:00

An edited transcription of journal entries, circa 2001. May 27 - Sunday - I am slowly but surely discovering again the things that matter most. That being with my wife and children brings a calm reassurance. We all went to church together today and then went for a drive after. I read some news articles today that gave me perspective. One was about a man in his mid-40s who couldn't even remember

Suicidal Thoughts - Part 2

2010-11-09T07:55:00.001-07:00

An edited transcription of journal entries, circa 2001. April 28 – I am grateful for my family and pray that I will again be able to learn and grow. I have made many mistakes. I have been harsh and demanding. As AA advises I need to make a searching and fearless moral inventory. I have begun this night. I also wish to place in writing that I will try to forgive everyone. I’ve wanted to

Suicidal Thoughts

2010-11-07T14:02:00.001-07:00

An edited transcription of journal entries January 6 – Bishop and I just finished an interview. He will recommend that I be ordained a High Priest. He said I once taught him that when you can’t express a thought in the spoken word, you can write it and then burn it and let the smoke carry it away. I don’t remember telling him that. Maybe it was something I suggested in a quorum discussion long

He will yet reveal

2010-10-27T20:13:00.003-06:00

Some say the sole purpose of The Family: A Proclamation to the World is to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Not so! Why would the church do that to so many who fall outside that ideal? If only 1% of LDS church members are gay, that's still 138,248 gay Mormons based on the church's 2009 Statistical Report. That would fill to overflowing two facilities the size of LaVell Edwards

A great time to come out?

2010-10-26T22:37:00.001-06:00

It's a great time to come out, right? After all, church members are being urged like never before to be kind and loving to gays and lesbians. How can my fellow brothers and sisters know that I need their love and support as I deal with SGA while sustaining my MOM relationship--oops--if I'm going to come out, I guess I'll also have to try to stop talking in code. I'll have to say I'm dealing with

Moho Films Win Tops Awards in Mormon Video Contest

2010-10-20T08:36:00.000-06:00

It hasn't happened yet. But it could. Who better to make some highly relevant, engaging, and unforgettable videos about gospel principles like: As I have loved you, love one another Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly, too Though though deepening trials throng your way Ok, so those are song titles, but you get the idea. Here's the link to the contest site. Entries are due on the last

Dolls and Darkrooms

2010-10-15T21:32:00.001-06:00

Here's my earlier post on this subject using same great painting by Steve Walker. As a little boy I didn’t worry what people thought. I liked dolls, purses, makeup, jewelry, sewing and photography. Later I learned that real boys don’t like dolls, purses, makeup and jewelry. I knew that I was a real boy, but I didn’t like the things real boys liked, except photography. So I hid those parts

Jonathan and David may yet lead the way

2010-10-13T08:33:00.001-06:00

“…the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul…and then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul…” 1 Samuel 1-3 What does it mean to have your soul knit to another? It my idealized world, it would be wonderful for this scripture to be cited and explained in the context of God-sanctioned same-sex relationships. If you

The Morning Breaks

2010-10-11T09:59:00.000-06:00

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans 8:38-39 I love the idea that God's love is always there operating in our lives even when we don't

Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?

2010-10-04T22:19:00.003-06:00

Young Apostles in the LDS Quorum of the Twelve silently affirm the warmth of non-sexual, same-sex affection between friends and colleagues. I agree with Beck and JGW that this is a provocative question. Elder Boyd K. Packer's talk was not only heard by thousands of faithful LDS members, but reports of it have echoed around the world through FaceBook and the blogosphere. As of a few minutes ago

Seeking advice on the shedding of tears

2010-09-27T20:56:00.000-06:00

Weeping Parisian from Wikimedia Commons There's been a death in my world. I have lost someone who has been a mentor, cheerleader, advisor, confidant, entertainer and listener. A kind, talented, beautiful person inside and out. Someone who protected, nurtured, endured, stumbled, climbed, sorrowed, succeeded, wept, laughed, loved, smiled, beamed, angered, frustrated, manipulated, gave, enjoyed,

On a Summer Night (part three)

2010-09-06T12:17:00.001-06:00

So when I realized this was not an accident, I didn’t really think through my options at all. I don’t think I knew about the three reactions humans and animals often have regarding what they perceive to be threatening. I didn’t think: fight, flight or freeze. Beck speculated about what I did. Here's what he imagined and my thoughts all these years later: Beck: You playfully tousled his hair in

On a Summer Night (part two)

2010-09-03T00:11:00.000-06:00

So there we in our sleeping bags out under the stars in my back yard. I don’t remember our conversation ending, it’s just that there were longer and longer pauses between his comments and mine. As the pauses grew longer, I grew sleepier. But I know I wasn’t dreaming when my friend did something I didn’t understand then and still don’t fully understand now. Just now I googled definitions for the

On a Summer Night

2010-09-01T23:24:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about some of my teenage experiences, especially one warm night when my good friend and I were sleeping under the stars in my back yard. I know we weren't sixteen yet because neither of us had our license to drive. We'd lived in the same neighborhood for years, but we'd really only gotten to know each other in the last year. Like me, his dad wasn't around. My mom was on her

Celebrating the Sabbath

2010-08-21T23:43:00.001-06:00

Monday mornings are hard to face,Tuesday lunch can bring disgrace,Wednesday night can move too slowThursday I'll be on the goFriday will be loving and giving,Saturday I'll celebrate living,But the hours I spend on the Sabbath daywill be warm and bright and good and gay. Some of us attend services of various types on Sundays. Some of us renew our spirits in other ways. I'm curious what readers of

Question about homosexuality removed from church site

2010-08-18T21:28:00.000-06:00

A week or so ago, this question was available to be answered when you filled out a member profile at the mormon dot org web site: "What is the Church’s attitude on homosexuality? Why is homosexuality and same-sex marriage important to the Mormon Church?" Today it is no longer on the site. Here are some ideas to explain why it was removed: It's just a technical glitch. The technicians who run

Insights about Bisexual General Authorities

2010-08-15T23:56:00.000-06:00

The following chat from Vatican City to Salt Lake City was recently intercepted and decoded. VC: As Mormons you agree with us that same sex marriage should be fought. You, too, see that gays really are one of the problems we need to deal with. Why's that? SLC: Well first of all, we really appreciate your support. But I do need to let you know that we don't like to use the word "gay". We

I may have slept with you

2010-08-07T21:34:00.000-06:00

I've only slept with a few males in my life and by that I mean sleeping and not having sex. Most of those times happened in my childhood and teens, but there have been a few as an adult. I've been along on some camp outs with my sons and their leaders when they were in scouting. I used to work for a company that put together some overnight weekends where I spent a few nights in various cabins

Need a hair cut and a care hut for that matter

2010-08-02T22:08:00.002-06:00

Dang it, I need to go my hair cut again. It's not just that my hair is out of control. I also need to see my barber. Not just see him. But but talk with him as he cuts my hair and touches me in his kind and gentle yet professional way. I know he does this for a living. Man after man, hour after hour, days, weeks, he's been doing it for years. I like the way he takes his time. I like the haircut

Latter-day Saints and Modern-day Pioneers

2010-07-25T08:21:00.000-06:00

Check out this opinion piece by Holly Welker on the Huffington Post. Among her many quotable lines is this one: "So this year I celebrate by imagining the Pioneer Day parade of my latter-day dreams. The marshals of my parade wouldn't be men who make pronouncements about doctrine, but the contemporary pioneers who challenge and remake the ways Mormons live their day-to-day lives."

Way Over Yonder

2010-07-21T22:07:00.000-06:00

All my grandparents are there. So are a few of my cousins. My dad and each one of his brothers and sisters and their spouses. Not just those aunts and uncles, but my maternal aunt and uncle, too. There are long gone mentors and professors. There are friends I knew fairly well, friends I barely knew, and people who I would like to befriend. When I make the journey, I'd like to meet some of the

Helping and Being Helped

2010-07-17T18:09:00.000-06:00

Years ago, someone I didn't like very much at the time taught me something I'm now so glad he showed me. I don't think his intent was to teach, but teach he did. It wasn't through his words but what he did. He offered his time, talents and means to help someone who had once helped him. He did this year in and year out. It wasn't a flash in the pan. I wasn't paying much attention for a long time,

A Tale of Three Friendships

2010-07-11T21:02:00.000-06:00

Actually two of them aren't friendships, but each has blessed my life in certain ways, in fact I don't know if #3 would have been possible without #1 and #2 to give me perspective. I wrote these three in response to David over at In the Dark and Dreary Wilderness. Thanks, David, for prompting me to think and write. 1. To my old friend who recently surprised me: Dear _______, Can you believe

A response to: meeting same-gender intimacy needs

2010-06-26T23:45:00.002-06:00

Back in May, Active Gay Mormon blogged about Meeting My Same-gender Intimacy Needs. I wrote the following to him, but it was too lengthy to fit as a reply, so I've posted it here. "Hey, this is a great post. Here's my take (in red) on each of your items; (1) Playing sports with other men -- anyone up for baseball, football, basketball? I've only done this with other SSA guys and we were all

Do We Face the Death Penalty?

2010-06-18T08:24:00.002-06:00

What does the state execution of a death row inmate have to do with the Moho world? Not that much, I suppose, unless you take into account that in some countries, in this varied world we live in, we could be condemned to die for the "sin" of loving someone of the "wrong" gender. 93 nations in the world still legally punish homosexuality. In 7 of these - Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, United Arab

Almost Summertime

2010-06-12T22:25:00.001-06:00

I know it's not officially summer until June 21, but for many of us summer starts when school ends or on Memorial Day weekend, whichever comes first. By both of those standards summer has been here a while now, eventhough the weather here in the shadows of the everlasting hills has been unusually cold and rainy. Thanks to George Gershwin and Dubose Heyward, summertime isn't just a season but a

I played with dolls

2010-05-23T21:11:00.004-06:00

My sisters had dolls and I liked to play with them. My parents gave me toys for boys like trucks, trains, Lincoln Logs and Erector Sets. I also had weapons including toy rifles, pistols and fake knives made of rubber. Some of this stuff was kind of interesting, but not anywhere near as cool as dolls. I also liked purses. It seemed to me that guys got ripped off just having a little wallet, when

House episode on MOM engagement

2010-05-17T08:17:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Into the West I watched an excellent episode of House last night. It deals with the wedding of a young couple. She is straight. He is dealing with SSA from which he says he is "cured." The episode helped me understand the sense of betrayal my wife felt when I finally came out to her after coming out to myself many years into our marriage. The ideal that child should be raised by a

GLA News - Policy Change Announced

2010-05-16T21:07:00.001-06:00

In early April of this year, the Greener Lawn Association (GLA) announced that xeriscaping will now be a fully acceptable form of home landscaping. Association Director Lance White asked that I send this email. The policy was changed after extended deliberations. It was also approved by the Landscape Foundation and the National Council of Home Gardeners. The following text provides additional

The Lusty Month of May

2010-05-02T22:21:00.003-06:00

I notice guys all year long, but when the weather turns warmer and many of them are sweating and taking off their shirts, I notice them even more. True, it's been cold and rainy lately here in northern Utah, but still we've had some beautiful days in the last few weeks and more quintessential "perfect spring days" are certainly ahead. Years ago my reaction to the various colors and scents of

One night stands

2010-04-22T21:59:00.001-06:00

They happen with gay and straight people. They happen with the young and old and those in between. They sometimes involve sex. But not always. Yes, I've had one night stands that weren't sexual at all. Here are a few of them.Neighbor friend and I go for a bike ride. Nothing bad happens. I expect we'll go again. But I never ask and neither does the neighbor. We see each other at church. We even

Leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again

2010-04-16T08:26:00.003-06:00

Disclaimer: I am not leaving, but one of our fellow bloggers is and here's a re-post of what I just wrote to him:Will you be leaving your blog up or do I need to go in and quickly read the whole thing tonight after work? Sorry to hear you're leaving, but I hope you will leave the blog up for those of us who have just discovered you. Thanks also for your friendship on Facebook. I'm glad there's a

Rules: The Bad, the OK, and the Wished For

2010-04-04T12:37:00.010-06:00

April Theme: The RulesOld rules that should continue to die - "the bad"If you're gay, do all you can to hide it.If you can't be heterosexual, fake it until you make it.If you marry a woman, the gay will go a way.If you marry a woman and the gay doesn't go a way, then it's somebody's fault.You would be better off dead than gay.All touch is sexual, so don't touch anyone but your spouse.Existing

Monson lovingly jokes about male-on-male kiss

2010-04-03T10:15:00.010-06:00

How delightful that in his first conference talk this morning, President Monson went off script to talk about his first meeting with his parents-in-law who joined the church thanks to his grand uncle's missionary efforts. He told how his prospective father-in-law showed him an old photograph of the missionaries, then wept and then kissed him on the cheek. He then ad-libbed something like, "Even

Early in April, Part 3

2010-03-28T11:46:00.002-06:00

Kade: Hey…Can you chat? I guess you're not on line... Arie: Yes I’m here! Kade: Just wanted to drop you a note that I'm thrilled for your family vacation plans. What fun times ahead for you! Congratulations. Arie: thanks! Kade: Is now a bad time? Arie: no, I’ve got a few minutes. thanks for the congrats. I know you do the family vacation thing too…but I see you in my minds eye as too young

The Men in My Life

2010-03-25T21:05:00.009-06:00

I don't really know when I started to notice them, the men in my life. It was probably before I could talk. The first men I noticed were my dad, my grandpas, uncles and neighbors. Sometimes they'd whisker me. That made me love my mom's soft face, but later I would hunger for their whiskers again. I would long for their whiskers so badly that any whiskers would do. Maybe that's why I loved that

Early in April, Part 2

2010-03-13T16:55:00.001-07:00

(continued from here)Their first face-to-face meeting brought a new intensity to their online chats. Both men sought to actively define a friendship that would lead to growth rather than something that would end in disappointment or worse. Arie: Why can't it be a win-win-win? That's what I want. For you, for me, for our loved-ones.Kade: I'd love that. Something that can be looked upon as an

First Kiss

2010-03-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

Actually I should title this "First Kisses" because there are several memorable first kisses as I look back on a long and mostly happy life.1. My first teenage kiss with a girl.2. The first time my wife-to-be and I kissed.3. The first time a gay man kissed me.4. The first time I really wanted to taste the kiss of another man.5. Other kisses and expressions of affection.So jumping toward the end

Inexplicable Tears

2010-02-27T19:30:00.009-07:00

You can coverup brown eyes with blue or even green contacts. I've never tried it, but sometimes I've wanted to. I'm right handed but sometimes I try to write with my left hand. It makes me feel like a kid again. Not a happy kid, but a kid I can identify with. Why should it matter to me that someone I don't even know keeps deleting people from his phone and his Facebook accounts. That shouldn't

Dear Stuart,

2010-02-24T22:00:00.006-07:00

Your name is getting mentioned more frequently here in the Mohosphere as we approach the 10th anniversary of your death. My own suicide would have followed your's a little over a year later. You took your life on February 25, 2000. My death would probably been sometime between March and August of 2001.That's when I felt the lowest, but strangely back then you weren't at all on my mind. I'd heard

Early in April

2010-02-20T17:37:00.006-07:00

On April 3, 2009 a balding, somewhat overweight man in his fifties entered a Salt Lake City pastry shop, ordering a Creme Broulee and a glass of water. He took a seat on a bar stool at a table for two on the same wall as the entrance where he could see anyone walking through the front door before they could see him.A few minutes later a tall, slightly younger man with thick blond hair quickly

First Crush - Short Version

2010-02-15T09:23:00.011-07:00

[In response to a reader who thought the other version was too long, here's the the short version. The original is 2418 words, this is a mere 390.]During my first couple of days of junior high, I was walking to class at the Seminary building. I'm about 25 feet from the front door and the door opens and Kent walks out. It was one of those moments that almost takes on a surreal, slow motion

First Crush

2010-02-14T08:21:00.015-07:00

Ned: I don't really want to write about my first crush.Shawn: Why not? I bet it would be an interesting story.Ned: You're right it would be interesting, but I'm afraid.Shawn: What are you afraid of? You don't seem to me like the kind of guy who is intimidated by fears. Anyone who has lived the life you have can hold his head up high.Ned: Well Shawn that just goes to show that you've seen the me I

Darkness and dawn

2010-02-01T20:55:00.005-07:00

Am I broken, discouraged and sick or just tired?Have I failed, fallen and crashed or just paused?Will I ever again feel hope, happiness and love, or just numbness?Can I hold on, hold out and hold fast, or just let go?Does this darkness give way to dawn, or only grow darker?Am I destined to learn, grow and change, or I am damned?Have I given up, given in and given out, or am I still gaining?Will

a repeat

2010-01-24T23:50:00.001-07:00

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them.Human salvation lies in

When Your Crush Responds

2010-01-17T15:50:00.004-07:00

How long can a crush last? And what happens when you're back in touch with a person you crushed on years ago? I've wondered about these questions because one of my earliest crushes, a friend from high school, and I are back in touch at least via social networking and phone. He now lives several states away. Another friend who I worked with years ago also recently friended me on Facebook. He's

One Year Blogiversary

2010-01-09T08:46:00.007-07:00

One year ago today I launched this blog with faith that it would lead somewhere positive.Now I'm so grateful I did. Thanks to all who have reached out to me in friendship.Exactly what's ahead I'm not sure, but year one has been a great start.Yes, you matter. Yes, we'll read. Yes, we'll comment. I've receieved so many yesses.Each entry, each photo, each response--they do all add up.A few stats: 68

Happy Kindling New Year

2010-01-01T17:49:00.008-07:00

Kindle, it used to be a perfectly acceptable verb and now, thanks to Amazon, it's a noun and brand. Nonetheless I like some of the associated definitions. Kindling works as either a noun or a verb:material for starting a fireignition: the act of setting something on fire And kindle, as a verb, has several evocative meanings:kindle - catch fire; "The dried grass of the prairie kindled, spreading

The Long Middle

2009-12-28T22:59:00.004-07:00

Great commentary on the significance of 2009 in our nation's debate about gay marriage. Two of the highlights:"Although public-opinion fundamentals didn't change in 2009; the politics of gay marriage did. Here are the ways the year marked a shift to what a storyteller might call the 'long middle.' " "After Prop. 8, however, many heterosexuals embraced gay marriage, taking ownership of an issue

My Gift to You: Twelve Minutes of Christmas

2009-12-24T08:17:00.010-07:00

I wanted to give each of you something for Christmas. I considered this:http://www.cafepress.com/+peace_love_equality_ash_grey_tshirt,24967454And this:http://www.cafepress.com/+then_you_win_sticker_rectangular,83782476But decided instead on something homemade, something practical but thoughful, something you could use now and later. And here it is, my gift to you, The 12 Minutes of Christmas.

Attempted Mashup

2009-12-16T19:47:00.011-07:00

There is a certain train wreck quality to this, but... Now that you've heard the concept, how about someone with some real mashup software and musical ability stepping up to bat? Boskers, does this give you enough to go on for a jazz improvisation?(Note: The total audio is only 2:10 but for some reason when I uploaded to blogger, there's all this additional silence on the end. Oh well, it

Medley challenge anyone?

2009-12-16T07:53:00.004-07:00

I've got an idea for a Christmas medley. Not necessarily Judy Garland meets Jimmy Durante, but something like this:Have yourself a merry little ChristmasLet your heart be lightMake someone happyMake just one someone happyFrom now on our troubles withBe out of sightMake just one heart the heart that you sing toOne smile that cheers youHave yourself a merry little Christmasmake the Yule-tide

Not Saying Much

2009-12-13T21:37:00.007-07:00

It's not that I don't want to talk. It's not that I can't or won't. I guess if I asked myself some questions that might break the ice a bit. How am I doing? OK, some days better than OK. I'm not getting as much exercise as I used to, but I'm shoveling a lot more snow. Maybe it's a wash.Am I counting my blessings? Sure. A job in this economy. A fine family. The comforts of religion and somewhat

Are you feeling SAD?

2009-11-30T21:41:00.007-07:00

One of our fellow bloggers has written how I sometimes feel at this time of year, "I'm tired and grumpy." In response, I wrote the following and decided to cross post it here: As far as feeling in a gray zone, that is typicalfor many people as we get into the darkest time of the year. Take a look at this article on SAD. My winter routine is to try to get outdoors for a few minutes on my lunch

Invincible Summer

2009-11-29T22:33:00.008-07:00

I like winter. It's a change of pace that brings water to the desert. But each year, winter in reality seems so much colder, so much deadlier than I remember it. Fortunately this winter I can vividly recall memories of my most recent summer. I didn't get outdoors as much as I usually do, but the time I spent in the sunshine will long be remembered. This summer that something "just out of reach,

Thanksgiving thoughts

2009-11-22T17:42:00.006-07:00

things I'm thankful for:home, health, hearth, heart, help, hunger, Harveyequality, the ideal of it, anyway; entertainmentquestions, quality, qualificationsunderstanding, unityinspiration, insulation, instructions, inkcreeks, cats, children, cheese, classics, Christkindness, Keith, kites, kits, kitchensbrothers, Bravone, Beck, beauty, beards, being biroom, rest, recreation, responsibilities,

A Step Forward

2009-11-11T07:13:00.005-07:00

Salt Lake OKs gay rights laws with Mormon backing-The Associated PressPro-gay statutes win city, LDS nod-The Salt Lake TribuneMormon church supports Salt Lake City's protections for gays-Deseret NewsChurch supports nondiscrimination ordinances-LDS Church Newsroom

Thanks to a Couple of Guys

2009-11-03T19:40:00.013-07:00

Thanks, guys. It was so good to see you recently. You were out walking in my neighborhood with a stoller. I drove by first spotting you from behind, a couple of short haired people out and about on a sunny afternoon. Then as I got closer there was no doubt about it, you were two guys walking down the street, pushing a stroller. I decided to try for a picture, so I flipped a U turn and caught this

Where I am in my journey - take 2

2009-10-31T23:21:00.014-06:00

On October 4, I first responded to Abe's question, "Where are you in your journey?" Now, almost a month later, I wanted to add in a few other comments, which you will see in red text with my original take in regular text.How did you get to where you are today?I've been lucky. Knowing that I've sometimes been less than valiant on this side of the veil, I find myself thinking like that Julie

Jonathan and David

2009-10-30T21:02:00.007-06:00

Alan at Scrum Central has a link to wouldjesusdiscriminate.org. There you will find this article: David loved Jonathan more than women. The author makes the case that the Bible sanctions "an intense love between these two that went well beyond friendship." Read the article and see if you agree.

The Desire to Hibernate

2009-10-26T22:16:00.002-06:00

I'm hungrier and sleepier than any other time of the year. Give me a large feast and then just let me sleep. Anybody else feel this way when the weather turns colder?

He loves his damned old rodeo

2009-10-17T18:53:00.010-06:00

He rode of out of camp just after sunrise, saying I'll see you this afternoon. Just before 3:00 he kept his promise. I offered him a stale cookie, poured him a cup of water and asked him to sit down. He gulped a couple of swallows, didn't eat the cookie and didn't sit down.Then he told me that I'm not alone. That we're brothers, that I could just relax and smile. "After all it's Friday. What you

That You May Find an Eternal Companion

2009-10-11T17:29:00.009-06:00

The next time you attend a Mormon baby blessing notice if the language is gender neutral. Seems to me I'm hearing a lot more blessings these days that say "We bless you that you may find an eternal companion" or "a companion you will take to the Temple" or "the love of your life" or "an eternal mate" or "a loving spouse."Perhaps some of the language is truly inspired, and the words spoken are the

Glad you asked, Abe

2009-10-04T09:46:00.014-06:00

Abe is challenging us to blog about our journey. Thanks Abe, glad you asked!How did you get to where you are today?I've been blessed with good genes and wonderful family and friends. I was born out of the love, passion and patience of a beautiful, talented woman and a handsome, gentle father. Whether my bisexuality is due to genetics or the environment of my mother's womb or other causes, I no

Prostate Health

2009-09-29T01:28:00.004-06:00

A. So ya don't want to talk 'boud ta big M, eh? Whassa matter?B. I'm kind of embarrassed. And why are you talking with a funny accent?A. Jis wanna, sometime. Let some part a me out? Like Brian Wilson ya know, "Well it's been building up inside of me for oh I don't know how long."B. Enough! Will you talk normally if I talk about the big M?A. Deal.B. I was relieved to learn that medically speaking