Breakfast in the Castro - Cake and Conversation

Me: Mibes, Good morning! (hugging him)

Mibes: Good morning! How’d you sleep?

Me: Fairly well. I’ve slept better and I’ve slept worse, so I’m grateful to have recharged as well as I have. And you?

Mibes: Early to bed early to rise for me. I’ve learned that I do some of my best thinking in the morning, if I’m out of bed.

Me: I’ve noticed that too. If I’m up and in the shower or at my desk, my thoughts are more positive and seem to go somewhere. I'm in bed and not quite awake, not so much.

Mibes: Is it really being up? Have you tried writing in bed?

Me: For me it’s both. I’ve tried grabbing a notebook and just writing in bed. But I’m better off getting up. 

Mibes: I’ve got another Chinese proverb for you.

Me: Shoot.

Mibes: It is difficult to satisfy one’s appetite by painting pictures of cakes.

Me: Makes sense on the surface.

Mibes: And below the surface?

Me: Well if I compare painting pictures of cake to writing about a friendship, I’d say that writing about a friendship does bring some satisfaction. 

Mibes: But the real relationship and the real cake are more satisfying. 

Me: Depends on the cake. Depends on the relationship. 

Mibes: But in general, wouldn’t you rather actually be with someone than write about it? Wouldn’t you rather eat the cake than paint it?

Me: I’d rather do both. I’ve never tried my hand at painting cakes, but I suspect it would increase my enjoyment of not only of eating put perhaps of baking. I think I’d be much more aware of color and texture. And that would make eating even better. 

Mibes: Well for me, I’d much rather actually be here with you, face-to-face as we are right now, than try to write about it after the fact.

Me: Oh me, too. If that’s choice. Certainly.

Mibes: (pausing a few seconds and looking me in the eye) 

Me: But if it’s a choice between no meeting at all and writing about what you’d imagine saying…

Mibes: Then you’d paint the cake.

Me: I would. I have. I will again. And here’s the thing, the process makes my real life conversations better. 

Mibes: You’ve been more confident?

Me: Yes, especially with the ebb and flow of a conversation. The quiet parts. The silences.

Mibes: (silence and a smile)

Me: Yes, like that. I used to always try to jump in and fill the silence. Like I’m doing right now. But now I’m ok with longer silences. Maybe someday we’ll meet here and just eat. No conversation at all.

Mibes: (silence and a smile)

Me: (silence and a smile)

Mibes: Wow, you’re not kidding. I’m surprised you waited for me to break the silence.

Me: (silence and a smile)

Mibes: I like it when you surprise me.

Me: I like it when you’re surprised.

Breakfast in the Castro - Forest Gumpism

Me: Mibes, I’m so glad to see you this morning. I need a hug.

Mibes: Me, too. (hug)

Me: You know how each individual is different?

Mibes: Like you and me? Worlds apart, yet enough common ground to have become good friends in very little time?

Me: Yes. But also seven billion human beings on the planet right now. Each one an individual. 

Mibes: It’s actually more than 7.2 billion, so you missed a couple of hundred million. And about 885 million are hungry and 8500 of those will die today from starvation.

Me: And here we are having breakfast and possibly creating some fodder for a blog.

Mibes: And if it does result in a blog, it will be one of more than 1,035,472 blogs published today. 

Me: Where are you getting this stuff Mibes?

Mibes: worldometers.info

Me: It’s a bit overwhelming, don’t you think?

Mibes: Depends on how you look at it. It really gets back to your point about us all being individuals. Of those 7.2 billion, there’s only one you. You can make contributions, you have made contributions, you will make contributions that no one else does. 

Me: And what could I contribute that might make any difference?

Mibes: That’s the mystery. Maybe it’s something you did years ago that contributed to something that’s already had a huge impact. Maybe it’s something you’ll do today or tomorrow or in the last hour of the last day of your life. And maybe it doesn't change the world, but makes one moment better for someone. Like the time a stranger found your lost wallet on the street and brought it to your home. 

Me: This sounds like Forest Gumpism to me.

Mibes: Didn't know there was such a thing. Maybe. 

Me: Or like the idea that our efforts are like a pebble tossed in water and we don’t see where the waves end. 

Mibes: There you go. 

Me: Along those lines, I don’t know if and when I won’t be able to meet you here each morning, but so far, in just a few days, it’s helped me start the day with a bit more optimism and purpose.

Mibes: Same for me. Yeah, so far, its worth showing up. 

Me: Tomorrow then?

Mibes: I’ll be here.

Me: Me too. And I won't be leaving today without another hug.

Mibes: (laughter) Maybe I'll wear my running shoes tomorrow and you'll have to catch me, first.

Breakfast in the Castro - Drought and Rain

Me: Good morning Mibes, you look even better than I imagined. What did you do?

Mibes: I was just thinking of you.

Me: No seriously, what’s different?

Mibes: Only one thing. Your attitude. Your perception. You’re imagining the handsome man you saw when you were shaving this morning.

Me: I didn’t shave at the gym. I shaved at home.

Mibes: I know. I’m talking about the guy in the mirror. That handsome guy.

Me: Oh that guy. I guess I don’t see myself the way you do.

Mibes: You will. It’s OK. No worries.

Me: Oh that idea that we see others not as they are but as we are?

Mibes: Yup. And so how are you today?

Me: Glad. Happy about many things. People and relationships. Projects and purpose. Christmas lights in the darkness of this time of year. Enjoyed Thanksgiving but am glad to be back at work. And you?

Mibes: Much these same, thanks. I think we bring out optimism in each other. I like your pairing of projects and purpose.

Me: Speaking of purpose, you inspired me to check out some Chinese proverbs yesterday.

Mibes: What’d you find?

Me: “To meet an old friend in a distant land is like refreshing rain after a long drought.”

Mibes: Beautiful.

Me: You’re the friend. Not seeing you is the drought. Our breakfasts are the refreshing rain.

Mibes: And the Castro is a distant land?

Me: Something along those lines, yes.

Mibes: And where do the hugs fit in to all this?

Me: I don’t know. But they feel great.

Mibes: Well give it some thought. (hugs me)

Me: (hugging him back) I’ll do that.

Breakfast in the Castro - A Single Kind Word

Mibes: (smiles as I approach and we hug without any words)

Me: Thanks for meeting with me. Thanks for all the meetings over the Thanksgiving break.

Mibes: You sound like you’re saying goodbye.

Me: No, just grateful.

Mibes: How are you?

Me: Happy and healthy at the moment, thanks! You?

Mibes: Alive and well. Glad to see you. Always glad to see you. I thought of you last night when I read this Chinese proverb: A single kind word keeps one warm for three winters.

Me: You thought I needed to be more kind?

Mibes: (laughter) No. I thought how your kind words to me have kept me warm lately.

Me: Oh Mibes. Well thanks. Thank you. I’ve kind of thought it was the other way around. That your kindness-- that that’s what’s keeping me warm.

Mibes: Probably all of the above. The whole synergy thing.

Me: (silence, just looking him in the eye)

Mibes: (enjoying the silence) I like listening to you when you’re not talking.

Me: Tell me more.

Mibes: You seem much more intelligent when you’re not always talking. 

Me: Much more intelligent? Not always talking? What are you saying now, Mibes?

Mibes: I’m just saying I appreciated the pause. Seems to me like the communication didn’t stop, just the words.

Me: Did you hear music?

Mibes: No. But it was music to my ears.

Me: (hugging Mibes) Love you, Mibes.

Mibes: Love you. Love your love. Love your pauses and your words. Not get out of here. I don’t want you saying I made you late for work. 

Breakfast in the Castro - Separation

Me: Good morning, Mibes. 

Mibes: Good morning. Good Sabbath. How are you?

Me: Glad to be alive. Glad to be with you. Amazed at how much there is to be grateful for. And you? How are you today?

Mibes: Glad to be up and about. Glad to be with you. No place I'd rather be. No one I'd rather be with. So you’re still thinking about Thanksgiving?

Me: Aw, thanks. Yes and no. Yes, I’m still grateful. Yes, I have good memories of this year and years past. But no, I’m not in replay mode, I’m looking forward to this day, this moment, actually.

Mibes: Same here. This moment, right now, with you. 

Me: That’s how I feel. 

Mibes: This isn’t just a writing exercise?

Me: Even if it were, what’s wrong with that? But no it’s not. It’s more. 

Mibes: Yes! Romans says nothing can separate us from the love of God, neither life nor death, things present nor things to come. It’s an inclusive list. I’d like to think that’s also true for us. That nothing could separate us, either.

Me: I hugged you when I got here. And I’ll hug you when I leave, but I’m also hugging you now, Mibes. 

Mibes: (laughing) Are you embracing me or my ideas. 

Me: (also laughing) Both. But you got your ideas from the bible. 

Mibes: True. And you. You inspired me. 

Me: Glad to be of service. But I don’t know about this ideal of nothing getting in the way, nothing separating us from God or each other. It doesn’t take much. Apathy, bigotry, contention, deceit…

Mibes: You and your alphabetic lists. 

Me: How about this: nothing can separate us from the love of God, but as flawed humans we can easily become separated from each other and ourselves. We do sometimes become separated not just from our family and friends but from our best selves. 

Mibes: Yes, and it’s because of the widespread alienation that the connections we do have with our Creator, family, friends and ourselves are a priority, or at least should be.

Me: I knew that sooner or later you’d mention the word the s-word. 

Mibes: "Should"? really? 

Me: It’s OK. In small doses. 

Mibes: We’ll have to talk more about this. We should talk more. We should. 

Me: Love you, Mibes.

Mibes: Love you more.

Breakfast in the Castro - Give them hope

Mibes: Great to see you smiling this morning!

Me: I'm smiling because you're smiling. So what are you smiling about?

Mibes: Several reasons. It's good to see you. I really do look forward to this. Another reason is location. This place. Who has been here. And what they've said.

Me: Milk? Harvey Milk? Harvey Milk on hope?

Mibes: Yes! Exactly. How did you know?

Me: I'm clearly thinking more like you do. And you actually have a kind of Harvey-Milk look on your face, at least the way Sean Penn portrayed him.

Mibes: He was talking about young isolated gays when he said (Mibes, now reading from his phone) "you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up." 

Me: I know what that's like when you lose hope. And when you claim it back again. 

Mibes: I know you do.

Me: So I can see why you're smiling when you talk about hope. It's really one of the most powerful things in the universe.

Mibes: So here's to hope and Harvey Milk.

Me: (giving Mibes a hug) Thanks giving me hope, Mibes.

Mibes: Thanks to you, too, and Harvey Milk and Dustin Lance Black and so many others.

Me: Good luck with the rest of your day.

Mibes: You, too!

Breakfast in the Castro - Black Friday

Me: Mibes! It was crazy getting here with all the Black Friday traffic. I’m glad you made it safely. Your smile is better than a cup of coffee to start my day.

Mibes: Thanks and good morning! You survived your Thanksgiving dinner. Congratulations.

Me: (laughter) I really did enjoy it. It’s so much more than a feast. 

Mibes: Thanks for the report. I thought you’d find it a bit different this year. Not just because of the growth in your family, but because your growth.

Me: You’re right. I was a bit more relaxed. I enjoyed the prep and the process, the people and the place. 

Mibes: There you go with the alliteration. You have too much fun with that.

Me: I do. It interests me, involves insight and intuition, introspection, intelligence, engagement.

Mibes: Enough. 

Me: Ok. I love you, Mikes. More today than yesterday.

Mibes: I’m feeling that love. I’m going to try to make better use of that feeling, that love, that energy. Isn’t it surprising how just a thought or a few words or an intention can change so much for better or worse.

Me: Well so far with you, my thoughts have been more about health than sickness, if you're going for that business about a partnership for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do you part.

Mibes: Talk, talk, talk, talk. I think you’re a bit intoxicated from your celebration. 

Me: Water was my only drink.

Mibes: Maybe your only beverage, but you drank in the color, the candlelight, the scents and smiles. It’s still in your thoughts, isn’t it? You’re still playing back some of those moments.

Me: And my moments with you. I want more.

Mibes: Might be too much of a good thing?

Me: I don’t think so. But we’ll see.

Mibes: Yes we will. Hey you didn't write about our hug yesterday.

Me: So? Just because I didn't write about it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it.

Mibes: (after a long embrace) I want to give you something to write about.

Me: You've succeeded. 

Breakfast in the Castro - Yams

Me: Well Mibes, happy Thanksgiving, my good friend. I’m thankful for you.

Mibes: And my thanks to you, too. My world has changed a lot in the last few days.

Me: Same here. If you’d asked me a few days ago what I’m thankful for, I could have given you a long list. But you weren’t on it.

Mibes: I know. But it’s OK, because you’ve always been on mine. That was enough. 

Me: But today you’re on the list. On my A-to-Z list when I get to "M" you're right in there with the music and movement. And I’m so glad to be starting this day with you.

Mibes: I wouldn’t have missed it. Hey, I’ve got a question for you. 

Me: Sure, anything. 

Mibes: You’ve given me such a strange nickname.  I mean I know you gave it to me for a reason and I’m grateful, but wouldn't Mike or Miles, have been so much easier?

Me: Easier perhaps but not as clear. Mibes is my name for you because you're My Better Self. A way to pronounce the acronym: MBS. 

Mibes: You and your acronyms! But it takes some of the mystery and mystique out of breakfast meetings, doesn't it?

Me: Not for me. It just makes you even more real than you already are. And there's still plenty of intrigue. I don't know what you're going to say. I don't even know if you're going to show up.

Mibes: I've tried to make it clear, I'm always available. 

Me: I know. It's not you. It's me. You've shown that you're willing to meet me. On this day of all days, I'm thankful for that. Thank you, Mibes! Thanks for being so much more real than you've been in years.

Mibes: Now that’s something I’m grateful for. That I’m real to you. Your very own Velveteen Rabbit. 

Me: That story is the most reliable way for me to get some tears flowing. (starts a search on his phone) Here’s the paragraph that always gets to me...

Mibes: (reading from the phone) 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

Me: You’ve become real to me Mibes. 

Mibes: Aw you’re making me feel all warm and sweet and savory inside. Like some of the yams you’re going to eat this afternoon.

Me: You’re way better than candied yams, Mibes. Now I’ve got a question for you.

Mibes: Will it have sharp edges?

Me: Maybe, but I think you’ll be OK. My question is: are you less lonely?

Mibes: Yeah, I feel like I’ve come out of the closet. It’s like I was suit or a tie that you’d wear sometimes, but the rest of the time I was just hanging there with your other stuff. You didn’t think of me, unless it was Sunday and sometimes not even then.

Me: I’m sorry.

Mibes: Me too, but it’s OK. We’re together now.

Me: No going back.

Mibes: Yup, and breakfast in Castro any day you want.

Breakfast in the Castro - A Thanksgiving Plan

Mibes: Good morning, you made it!

Me: Good morning, so did you!
(long embrace)

Me: How are you feeling this morning?

Mibes: I feel energetic, thanks. I got off to a slow start. It was hard to roll out of bed this morning, but I made it. Got up and moving. Glad to be alive. Glad to be here with you. And you, how’s your morning?

Me: Similar. To be honest, I thought for just a moment that I wouldn’t show, or you wouldn’t--that three breakfast dates in a row might be a bit much. But that was easy to dismiss.

Mibes: Wow, you too. I’d also imagined that you might not show. (laughter) But I dismissed it as a crazy thought.

Me: (laughter) You do seem to know me.

Mibes: And I’m glad to know you. I look into your eyes and I just feel this connection.

Me: It’s the same for me. The eye connection is strong. But I also feel it from your voice, the hugs, the smile.

Mibes: Agreed. It’s multidimensional. Changing the subject a bit, what are thoughts about the holidays?

Me: Mixed feelings. I’ll certainly enjoy Thanksgiving. I love the combination of family and food and that it’s just not drawn out for a month. And that’s the downside of Christmas. Just too long. Sometimes it feels like a marathon.

Mibes: Could you change something?

Me: (smile and laughter) I was just thinking about that. What if I got up, what if we got up every morning in December. To meet here. To extend this conversation?

Mibes: (also laughing) I wondered if you’d propose that. It sounds good. Like I said, I’ve been lonely. And not just any garden-variety of needing more contact with people in general. The contact I need is with you. 

Me: Wait a minute, I thought I was the needy one here. That I needed you far more than you needed me.

Mibes: Guess again. It’s the reciprocity thing again. I need you as much as you need me. Maybe more.

Me: Aw, Mibes. You’re so easy to love.

Mibes: As are you. Maybe not for everyone, but for me.

Me: What do you mean not for everyone?

Mibes: (laughter) Hey I’ve got to be on my way.

Me: Me, too. You sure you want to do this tomorrow on Thanksgiving morning?

Mibes: I’m sure. But it’s OK if you change your mind. Just let me know. But I think we should plan on it. I will plan on it.

Me: So will I. Thank you, I love you. Hope your day goes well.

Mibes: I love you more.

Me: I love that you love more because that’s more for both of us.

Mibes: OK. (rolling eyes)

Me: Tomorrow. Thanksgiving. See you then.

(another long embrace)

Breakfast in the Castro - Day 2

Me: Mibes, I’m a bit sleepy, but good morning.

Mibes: Good morning! I’m sleepy too but being with you will wake me up. I’m glad you could meet for a second time.

Me: Me, too. I’ve looked forward to it. Yesterday the time seemed to fly so quickly once we got started. I wanted more.

Mibes: And so did I. Here’s my take on it. We were lonely for each other. I’ve wanted someone to mentor. And not just anyone.

Me: Yes, and I’ve wanted to be mentored. I’ve always seemed to crave a wiser, older brother who loved me. I’ve sought him over all these years, sometimes with great success and other times with disappointment.

Mibes: It’s a common thing. People being driven to attain something or to seek a relationship to make them whole. Much good is done in the world as we seek, sometimes finding and sometimes failing.

Me: I wouldn't trade it. The highs and the lows. I've learned. I think I'm more grateful and I’ve been greatly blessed by being alone and being able to be somewhat gregarious. 

Mibes: Yes, you mentioned how I was gregarious yesterday. Today you can see that more clearly in yourself. 

Me: Yes. So that’s one of the advantages of our talking. It helps me to see possibilities or even realities I hadn’t seen before. 

Mibes: It also helps me. I've really have been lonely. Not just lonely for anyone, but lonely for you.

Me: I think I can understand that. I want to understand that.

Mibes: Good, I’m glad you can start to see that or at least want to see it. There's no rush. Take your time. Enjoy the moment. I'm going to. 

Me: Do you believe in magic, Mibes? Is our having breakfast some kind of a magic thing or is it just my imagination?

Mibes: You’ve already discovered some of the magic. You’ve already discovered how mornings with someone you love are magic for you. You’ve already discovered how powerful that is.

Me: Yes and more. Like gratitude and goals. Yes. But I need to get better organized with all this. Can you help me with getting better organized, Mibes?

Mibes: Can I help you? We're here. Together. It's what you wanted. It's what I wanted. Reciprocity. 

Me: I love you, Mibes.

Mikes: I love you more. I know that's not original, but I really like it.

Me: Glad to see you're not above recognizing someone else's good ideas.

Miles: Glad to see that you're seeing me more realistically.  

Me: Tomorrow morning, we could meet again? Go for three in a row?

Mibes: Remember I'm closer than anyone on your phone.

Me: Tomorrow then. Yes, please.

Mibes: I’ll be here.

Me: Me, too. Thanks, Mibes! Love you!

Breakfast in the Castro

Met an old friend this morning. We've seen each other in passing lately. Sometimes our eyes have met and we’ve smiled or even said hello. Early this morning we sat down together and did our best to carry on a conversation.

It started with hugs and apologies. It’s so good to see you again and then a hug. It’s been forever but also it just seems like yesterday. Another hug. I’m sorry I’ve ignored you. I’m sorry too, but its OK, I’ve ignored you, too, but here we are. Laughter and other hug.

If you could see us, you might think we’re brothers. We have similar physical features, but he’s more gregarious and looks happier. So many good qualities.

Me: I want to hear how you’ve been doing. You look great. You’ve been working out haven’t you?

Mibes: Happy to chat any time. I know how busy you are. But to answer your question, I’ve wanted to exercise more. I’ve done some, but my exercise buddy is sometimes distracted or busy. Best of intentions but a little unfocused.

Me: He’s missing out. I’d like to tell him that. I’d say, “Don’t you know who this man is? Spend all the time you can with him. He can help you like no one else.”

Mibes: You’re crazy. You know that.

Me: You’ve told me that before. Sometimes I’ve doubted you. Did I mention how good it is to see you again?

Mibes: I’m always here. Easier to reach than anyone on your phone.

Me: I know that, but then I forget.

Mibes: It’s OK. You’ll do better.

Me: Yes I will.

Mibes: I see that you’re writing some notes. Are you going to put this on your blog?

Me: You know me, pretty well, don’t you?

Mibes: You make me laugh. Sure, go ahead and post it.

Me: I’ve only made a few notes. I didn’t think about writing at first.

Mibes: Go with what you’ve got. We’ll have more conversations. I would like to see you more.

Me: Same here. We’ll stay in touch. I’ll be a better friend.

Mibes: You want to meet again tomorrow?

Me: (smiling) Yes. Let’s do it.