Wonderful Dogs

I need to get out of the inversion. Follow the good example of those who have escaped even for a few minutes to higher ground. Meanwhile I've found that by combining ascending and descending alphabets, I can generate a somewhat nonsensical but nonetheless personally meaningful list of things I'm seeking or am thankful for or merely find to be a notion of interest.

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azure zings

brothers younger

colorful extrapolations

dark winters

enthusiastic vacationing

fortunate understandings

good times

high spirits

inspirational recordings

jealous questions

kitchen patrol

loving opportunities

musically nurturing

natural men

opportunistic moves

provident knowledge

quiet justice

reinforcing intuition

sophisticated humility

telling generalities

understated freedom

virtual energy

wonderful dogs

ecstatic cats

young bloods

zippy ancestors

Another note to RIDK, the Reader I Don't Know

Wow, it's been more than a year since I've written to you, RIDK (Reader I Don't Know).

The last time was way back in December of 2011. (RIDK, by the way is pronounced like ridiculous without the you-less part.)

I know a bit more about you now than I did then. How could that be? How could I know more about someone I don't know? We'll it's really quite simple. Since you are, at this point, an imaginary person, I know more about your potentially endearing qualities. If we should ever meet and you actually have these qualities, well then I'll just be that much closer to knowing you're the one.

So what are these qualities?

Fit is one of them. Fit. Yes as in physically fit. You'll have a certain buff quality. Not that you'll necessarily have a six pack, but you'll feel great to hug. And there are other qualities of fit. Somehow my hands and your hands will fit together. And when we're walking, there will be something about your stride and my stride that fits together.

Another is your scent. You'll smell good to me whether you're freshly showered or in desperate need of a shower. There will be a certain quality in your breath that is both familiar and alluring. I guess what I'm saying here is that there will be a certain chemistry between us. Without even touching, I'll know and you'll know that we're a good match.

Your eyes could be sky blue, or steel gray, coffee brown or sage green or any of dozens of variations in color. It won't be the color of your eyes. It will be the kindness I feel when we're talking, or not talking. Somehow, even if there is a great conversation we're engaged in, I'll also feel another connection looking into your eyes, and you will feel it too.

Then, of course, there's your voice. I'm fairly certain you will be soft spoken. I suppose it's possible you'll have a naturally booming voice that you've learned to moderate into an almost whispering quality, but its more likely you'll have a clear but rather quiet approach to all your speaking. Of course you'll sometimes need to speak loudly to be heard in a crowded room. You'll have no trouble doing that. But for the most part your voice will be soothing.

Could it be that you will have none of these qualities? Yes. It's possible we won't fit, that you'll stink, that your eyes will be nothing special and your voice will remind me of fingernails on a chalkboard. But if so and yet there's some sure connection we both feel, then none of those things will matter.

If you somehow remind me of a young Marlon Brando from Streetcar Named Desire, well that will be nice. But it's possible you'll be more like Brando in The Godfather or Last Tango in Paris. Or entirely different from anything I've described or imagined and still be as close to a perfect match as anyone could find in this imperfect world full of imperfect but sometimes entirely lovable human beings.

So, RIDK, those are some of the possibilities I see in our possible bromance. What about you? Do my specifics bring to mind any of the qualities you're seeking in a friend you haven't yet met?

Torn and Tattered

As a bisexual man, married to a woman, and fairly active in the Mormon church, I certainly have mixed feelings about the church and its approach to sexuality.

Last Sunday one of our Sacrament meeting speakers talked of those among us who may be suffering in silence. He mentioned those who feel they can not be their authentic selves because others would not understand.

He noted that one-size-fits-all platitudes may not bring relief to those who suffer. He mentioned torn and tattered packages with content that just spills out. I don’t know if he was talking about worn out platitudes, worn out faith or worn out individuals. Maybe all of the above.

Then he asked, “What about our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters who are seeking loving relationships?” His voice caught a bit when he asked that question. It was the spoken equivalent of shedding a tear.

After the meeting, many of my fellow ward members approached the stand to talk to this man who spoke truths not usually heard in church. I also wanted to thank him, but didn’t want to stand in line.

So later, after Sunday school class and before Priesthood I simply told him that I appreciated his talk and that when he wanted to cry, I wanted to cry, too. He kindly said thanks and I thought perhaps someday we’ll talk again.

Meanwhile I continue to be a man in a mixed-orientation marriage with mixed feelings about faith and doubt, transparency and tradition, change and the lack of it.