the illusive third way

Congratulations to Beck who has been out to his wife seven years and recently had a Capraesque moment with his wife. It certainly is relevant to those in mixed orientation marriages and helps put my couple of decades of being out to my wife in perspective. 

My three decade marriage to the female love of my life is wonderful and difficult. My decade of friendship with the male love of my life is also filled with wonder and challenge. 

I have sought an illusive third way as I know Beck and many others have. Perhaps we find it without knowing it, by keeping covenants yet seeking to embrace our full identity as same gender loving men married to remarkable women, as fathers, sons, brothers and friends, as men of faith and doubt.

Lead with Love - on radio at 11:00 a.m.

This sounds promising...

maybe some of us should call in ;)

1/17/11: Lead With Love

Doug Fabrizio (2011-01-17)

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (KUER) - Monday, Doug sits down with University of Utah psychologist David Huebner and filmmaker Jenny Mackenzie to talk about a new documentary they've created for parents of gay and lesbian children. Huebner's research has found that when parents reject their children, those kids are more likely to be depressed and to take drugs. They are also eight times more likely to attempt suicide. The film gives practical advice to parents about what they can do to make a difference. It's called "Lead With Love."

11:00 a.m. MST on KUER and XM public radio. You can also listen live from anywhere via their website which will also offer the show as a podcast later at kuer.org.

My Christmas Wishes for You

May you find beauty in the cold of winter

warmth in the glow of friendship and family

peace in your faith

satisfaction in sociality and solitude

May you rejoice in the laughter of children

and the elderly

and everyone else in between

May you discover delightful things

about yourself and others

May you enjoy good health,

mentally, physically, spiritually

and in all other ways

and may you help other

attain such health and well-being

May you face challenges 

that will help you and others grow

But may you also grow as easily 

as a blade of grass on warms spring day

May you be blessed with the 

knowledge that your life

makes the world better 

for those you serve, those you love

and those who love you

past, present and future

May you glimpse the truth 

that there are those you know

and those you don't know 

who care deeply about you

Who thank God that 

you are who you are 

May you thank God 

and our Savior for who you 

are and your life, your blessings

your challenges

If there is within your

Soul a child who

is born with no place

to call home, may you 

welcome that child

feed and clothe and 

nurture him

House episode on MOM engagement

Thanks to Into the West I watched an excellent episode of House last night. It deals with the wedding of a young couple. She is straight. He is dealing with SSA from which he says he is "cured." The episode helped me understand the sense of betrayal my wife felt when I finally came out to her after coming out to myself many years into our marriage. The ideal that child should be raised by a committed mother and father is also something I've pondered since watching the episode. A mixed orientation marriage is not only difficult for the wife and husband, but it also has implications for the children that may be brought into the union. True, no marriage is perfect, and I don't know if there is any data on the effects of MOM relationships on children in those families. If you are aware of any information on this, please let me know.

When Your Crush Responds

How long can a crush last? And what happens when you're back in touch with a person you crushed on years ago? I've wondered about these questions because one of my earliest crushes, a friend from high school, and I are back in touch at least via social networking and phone. He now lives several states away. Another friend who I worked with years ago also recently friended me on Facebook. He's relatively nearby, only about four hours by car. After more than a decade in both cases, I'm surprised how strong the connection feels. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Saturday Hike

Went hiking with "Mo" my moho friend Saturday. Asked him if it would be OK to share this in a post. He said, "If you don't blog about it, I will." So here you go:

10:17 AM

mo: HEY...you okay?

me: just got better :)

mo: :) whattssup?

me: Really glad to touch base with you...I was feeling down yesterday.

mo: Why were you down?

me: Reality of kids leaving home. Job stress...feeling overwhelmed.
Oh, and then there's this other matter. I missed you.

mo: Is missing me a bad thing?

me: of course not, all of these things are good, if put in perspective, kids growing up, better job, friendship :)

mo: I spent most of Thurs with my son. It's here. It's a reality that he's leaving. I feel some of what you are feeling. It's part of life. They grow up. But we don't.

me: So I wonder about today? With this rain we can't do yard work. So how about a hike in the mud?

mo: You would do that?

me: I'll put my boots on right now if you like.

mo: ummmm...I need to make a phone call. Can you wait a moment?

me: no prob

10:40 AM
mo: Hey

me: Hey

mo: We can go anytime.

me: Great! I can leave in about five minutes.

Have you had breakfast or lunch? I haven't. We could pick up some powerbars and drinks. Or I can just eat some cereal on the way. Do you have any thoughts on that?

mo: I'll throw something together. Just come.

me: See you in a few.

So we hiked and talked, and it was only muddy in a few places. When we reached a sunny rock with a view we stopped to eat apples and power bars, to drink water and breathe in the mountain air made even sweeter by the morning rain.

We talked about our families, work and what life was like when we were 15-year-old kids trying to deal with feeling so different. We talked about people who helped us out along the way. The sunshine dried our wet clothes. We shared some hugs and shoulder rubs and headed back down the mountainside. Mo told me that in Europe two male friends--straight or gay--could hug and show affection and no one would think twice about it. So after all this I didn't attend the kiss-in on Saturday, but I'm OK with my decision.