Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Prostate Health

A. So ya don't want to talk 'boud ta big M, eh? Whassa matter?

B. I'm kind of embarrassed. And why are you talking with a funny accent?

A. Jis wanna, sometime. Let some part a me out? Like Brian Wilson ya know, "Well it's been building up inside of me for oh I don't know how long."

B. Enough! Will you talk normally if I talk about the big M?

A. Deal.

B. I was relieved to learn that medically speaking what I did was a good idea. That regular ejaculations, particularly as an adolescent and young man, are good for your long term prostate health. Apparently Packer had it wrong. It's good for the little factory to produce. The more the better. You don't want that stuff to ferment. Keep it flowing.

A. That does kind of tie in the with ol' fountains of life idea. You want fresh liquid and plenty of it.

B. My doc agrees.

A. What about your bishop?

B. I did have to explain that my doc recommended regular ejaculation as a way to deal with some of my symptoms.

A. What symptoms? Your desire to get off?

B. No, really, I've got BPH, and my doc says it is medically indicated that I shouldn't let the fluid build up. I did that when I was trying to avoid the big M. But then it got to the point that I had to urinate every 20 minutes. I guess if you've already got an enlarged prostate and you let the fluid build up, you constrict the urethra even more.

A. So you doc says you got masturbate, eh?

B. Not exactly. He said I should ejaculate frequently. And it's not just my doc.

A. So why don't you just make love to your wife more often?

B. Great idea. I'd love to do that. But it's not that easy.

A. So your doc gave you a free pass, eh?

B. Stop with the "eh, eh, eh" already.

A. OK. But what about the big M? How often do you do it? What do you think about? Any special techniques you want to share? Do you still feel guilty? What about the law of chastity, does it get modified because you're an old man who has trouble peeing?

B. I'm not going to answer your questions.

A. Well then what's the point? Why are we even having the conversation?

B. Hey as far as I'm concerned the conversation is over.

A. Well you don't have to get all hoity-toity.

B. That reminds me a great line from...

A. I know, I know, Street Car Named Desire, with Mr. Bisexual Himself, Marlon Brando, in all his sweaty t-shirt glory. Do you think about him when you're attending to your "medical condition"?

B. So you remember his line?

A. How could I forget?

B. So?

A. OK, OK. He says "When we first met, me and you, you thought I was common. How right you was, baby. I was common as dirt. You showed me the snapshot of the place with the columns. I pulled you down off them columns and how you loved it, having them colored lights going! And wasn't we happy together, wasn't it all okay till she showed here? And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all okay till she showed here, hoity-toity, describin' me like a ape?"

B. Nice job.

A. Well you taught it to me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I wanted a brother. He wanted a brother. It took a long time, but we finally found each other.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Seeking and Finding Light

We are counseled to liken or apply the scriptures to ourselves. When I do so with the 9th Article of Faith, it sounds like this: "I believe all that God has revealed to me, all that he does now reveal to me, and the he will yet reveal to me many great and important things pertaining to my life and the lives of my loved ones."

If I give the same treatment to the most hopeful sentence in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it becomes: "Within your own life, disability, death, or other circumstances--including the gifts of same gender attraction, homosexuality or bisexuality--may necessitate individual adaptation."

The lyrics to Press Forward Saints also change slightly with this approach:

Press forward, son, with steadfast faith in Christ
With hope's bright flame alight in heart and mind
With love of God and love of all mankind

Press forward, feasting on your words from Christ
Receive his counsel, rejoice in his might
Come unto God; find everlasting light

Press on enduring in the ways of Christ
His love proclaim through days of mortal strife
Thus saith our God: "Ye have eternal life!"

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

What are your prized scriptures, hymns or quotations that bring you hope and solace? Will you share it here or on your own blog and post a link here? Do such thoughts mean even more if you adapt them in some way to take into account your individual circumstance?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Swimming Straight

I've tried denial and positive thinking. I've tried Evergreen and online support groups. I've tried coming out and going back in and sleeping on the couch. I've tried coming clean with my Bishop and counseling. I've tried anti-depressants, tranquilizers and sleep meds. I've tried journaling and blogging and watercolors. I've tried basketball, softball and swimming. I've endured suicidal depression and found Christ just sitting in the sunshine.

Slowly I've found what seems to work for me: striving for self-acceptance and steady breathing, family traditions and diverse friendships, exercise and writing, reading and music, pharmaceuticals and prayer. I've also explored alternate definitions, like "plumb" or "loyal" for "true". And the notion that swimming straight involves nothing more than making it 25 yards from one end of the pool to the other.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Visions, Hugs and Kisses

I need to draw closer to Heaven. I need to affirm my testimony that there is an unlimited source of comfort, encouragement, love, support, and inspiration. I need to realize once again that our Heavenly Parents and our Savior are as concerned about us as any loving earthly family would be about loved ones far away from home on an important mission.

I've thought along these lines several times in the last few days, and it happened again this morning when I learned of this story told by Melvin J. Ballard in 1917:

"I had been on the Fort Peck Reservation for several days with the brethren, solving the problems connected with our work among the Lamanites. Many questions arose that we had to settle. There was no precedent for us to follow, and we just had to go to the Lord and tell Him our troubles, and get inspiration and help from Him. On this occasion I had sought the Lord, under such circumstances, and that night I received a wonderful manifestation and impression which has never left me. I was carried to this place—into this room. I saw myself here with you. I was told there was another privilege that was to be mine; and I was led into a room where I was informed I was to meet someone. As I entered the room I saw, seated on a raised platform, the most glorious being I have ever conceived of, and was taken forward to be introduced to Him.

"As I approached He smiled, called my name, and stretched out His hands towards me. If I live to be a million years old I shall never forget that smile. He put His arms around me and kissed me, as He took me into His bosom, and He blessed me until my whole being was thrilled. As He finished I fell at His feet, and there saw the marks of the nails; and as I kissed them, with deep joy swelling through my whole being, I felt that I was in heaven indeed. The feeling that came to my heart then was: Oh! If I could live worthy, though it would require four-score years, so that in the end when I have finished I could go into His presence and receive the feeling that I then had in His presence, I would give everything that I am or ever hope to be!”
(Melvin J. Ballard—Crusader for Righteousness, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 65–66.)

My questions for you are: Have you had experiences like this? What were your feelings? Is such male-on-male smiling, hugging and kissing appropriate in other contexts? If so, when? The first time I witnessed two men I know kiss on the lips was only a few years ago. The kiss was between a dying father and his adult son. I later held the dying man's hand while his wife and son were out of the room. I'm not sure I would have done so if I had not witnessed the kiss he exchanged with his son. Have you had experiences like this? What were your feelings? What can we moho's learn from such experiences?