A. So ya don't want to talk 'boud ta big M, eh? Whassa matter?
B. I'm kind of embarrassed. And why are you talking with a funny accent?
A. Jis wanna, sometime. Let some part a me out? Like Brian Wilson ya know, "Well it's been building up inside of me for oh I don't know how long."
B. Enough! Will you talk normally if I talk about the big M?
B. I was relieved to learn that medically speaking what I did was a good idea. That regular ejaculations, particularly as an adolescent and young man, are good for your long term prostate health. Apparently Packer had it wrong. It's good for the little factory to produce. The more the better. You don't want that stuff to ferment. Keep it flowing.
A. That does kind of tie in the with ol' fountains of life idea. You want fresh liquid and plenty of it.
B. My doc agrees.
A. What about your bishop?
B. I did have to explain that my doc recommended regular ejaculation as a way to deal with some of my symptoms.
A. What symptoms? Your desire to get off?
B. No, really, I've got BPH, and my doc says it is medically indicated that I shouldn't let the fluid build up. I did that when I was trying to avoid the big M. But then it got to the point that I had to urinate every 20 minutes. I guess if you've already got an enlarged prostate and you let the fluid build up, you constrict the urethra even more.
A. So you doc says you got masturbate, eh?
B. Not exactly. He said I should ejaculate frequently. And it's not just my doc.
A. So why don't you just make love to your wife more often?
B. Great idea. I'd love to do that. But it's not that easy.
A. So your doc gave you a free pass, eh?
B. Stop with the "eh, eh, eh" already.
A. OK. But what about the big M? How often do you do it? What do you think about? Any special techniques you want to share? Do you still feel guilty? What about the law of chastity, does it get modified because you're an old man who has trouble peeing?
B. I'm not going to answer your questions.
A. Well then what's the point? Why are we even having the conversation?
B. Hey as far as I'm concerned the conversation is over.
A. Well you don't have to get all hoity-toity.
B. That reminds me a great line from...
A. I know, I know, Street Car Named Desire, with Mr. Bisexual Himself, Marlon Brando, in all his sweaty t-shirt glory. Do you think about him when you're attending to your "medical condition"?
B. So you remember his line?
A. How could I forget?
A. OK, OK. He says "When we first met, me and you, you thought I was common. How right you was, baby. I was common as dirt. You showed me the snapshot of the place with the columns. I pulled you down off them columns and how you loved it, having them colored lights going! And wasn't we happy together, wasn't it all okay till she showed here? And wasn't we happy together? Wasn't it all okay till she showed here, hoity-toity, describin' me like a ape?"
B. Nice job.
A. Well you taught it to me.