Monday, February 1, 2010

Darkness and dawn

Am I broken, discouraged and sick or just tired?
Have I failed, fallen and crashed or just paused?
Will I ever again feel hope, happiness and love, or just numbness?
Can I hold on, hold out and hold fast, or just let go?
Does this darkness give way to dawn, or only grow darker?
Am I destined to learn, grow and change, or I am damned?
Have I given up, given in and given out, or am I still gaining?
Will this winter give way to spring and summer, or will this month be my last?
Can I make it through this hour, this night, the day ahead, or just stop trying?
Does prayer still calm my heart and mind, or are my words empty?
Am I strong, healthy and sure, or weak, ill and unsteady?
Have I been blessed by adversity or have I become damaged goods?
Will I allow peace into my heart, or is it so broken that it won't hold anything?
Can the warmth of a remembered embrace nurture me still?
Do I doubt my beliefs and believe my doubts?
Or do I know beyond belief that there is purpose and redemption?
That I can follow, forgive and be forgiven?
That my heart still beats, that my breath still brings oxygen to brain and muscle.
That my fingers still move and e ven witgh eyes closed they can find the keys. That words will fall from my hands as easily as prayers ascend to heaven. That my ears can still hear. I can hear the clock in the kitchen, the murmur of television down the hallway and around the corner. I know that these words could be published in seconds or minutes or not at all. The choice is mine. I still know that my life means something, that I make a difference and that I am not finished. That dawn follows the darkness, that long winter nights have already given way to longer days. That I am no longer greeted by darkness as I leave work. That there was some sunshine and blue sky today. That today I did go to work and even got a few things done. That I have smiled and laughed with loved ones this very hour, this day, over the weekend and every day I can remember for a long, long time. It is winter. But hey, the furnace just started. The thermostat sensed that it was time for that system in the basement to get to work.


  1. Salt Lake in the winter is brutal. As much as I hate rain, I'll take it over "thick air" any time. I hope dawn breaks brighter today.

  2. My dear missmoon,
    Thanks for your response and your perspective. I'm looking out on a few blue patches of sky right now and amazingly I can see the sun on the Oquirrh mountains, even though there's still a lot of grayish, brownish stuff hovering over downtown. I guess we've got to do what we can to keep our eyes open to the good stuff even when we feel overpowered by the gunk. Thanks again for commenting!

  3. No one can whip out those double questions more than you! I hope they served their purpose and you have found your hope and vision and passion and desire to wake up each day, breathe in and out, and reach out with love and compassion to those around you.

    Spring is coming! I can feel it...

  4. Dude, the sun has been shining down here in southern utah the past few days. And the air is super clean. Good time for hiking with friends. :)