Monday, September 27, 2010

Seeking advice on the shedding of tears

Weeping Parisian
from Wikimedia Commons
There's been a death in my world. I have lost someone who has been a mentor, cheerleader, advisor, confidant, entertainer and listener. A kind, talented, beautiful person inside and out. Someone who protected, nurtured, endured, stumbled, climbed, sorrowed, succeeded, wept, laughed, loved, smiled, beamed, angered, frustrated, manipulated, gave, enjoyed, planned, played, produced, praised and prayed.

I've shed a few tears but haven't really had a good cry yet. Maybe I need to watch a tearjerker movie to get me started and then I can just let loose.

The few tears I have shed felt good. I wouldn't say they were bitter tears, but tears of loss and sadness mixed with tears of gratitude and thanksgiving. But for days now, I've felt all dried up and cried out. So if you have any good recommendations on movies that'll make even a tough old cowboy cry, well then let me know. Not that I'm a tough old cowboy but the old part is true.

So what have I gained? An increased appreciation of hospice, hugs, music, friends, loved ones, kind words, sunshine, sleep, food, silence, flowers, funeral directors and that certain change in the air that comes with fall. And these old song lyrics and the melodies that go with them.

The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall

Oh, it's a long long while from May to December
But the days grow short when you reach September
When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame
And you ain't got time for waiting game

When days dwindle down to a precious few
September November,
And these few golden days I'd share with you
Those golden days I share with you

And then there's this from Emily Dickinson:

I held a jewel in my fingers
And went to sleep
The day was warm, and winds were prosy
I said "twill keep"

I woke and child my honest fingers,
The Gem was gone
And now, an Amethyst remembrance
Is all I own

So, now just so you know that my question above was serious, I'm going to repeat it here: What do you recommend for a fellow who knows he needs to cry, and who really thinks he wants to cry, but doesn't quite remember how? Should I try the movies route? If so, which ones? Any other ideas?
Thanks my friends.


  1. First of all, may I formally extend my condolences to you and your family for your loss. I hope that you can view that your feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving are just as important as the feelings (or lack thereof) of grief. Celebrating a wonderful life lived is appropriate.

    From someone who cries easily, I may not be the best to advise. Emotions for me have always been easy to come by - and that has been both a blessing and a burden.

    That said, I would suggest two things:

    1) A really good hug from a dear friend or family member, letting you let it out. That is always good.

    2) Watch "La Vita e' Bella" (Life is Beautiful). At the end, it always gets me flowing like Niagara Falls no matter how many times I watch it. And yet, afterward, I don't feel depressed or hopeless. I feel peace and joy. It's a very strange phenomenon. Try it!

  2. Thanks Beck and Mister Curie. I did listen to the end of the original soundtrack recording from the motion picture West Side Story when Tony is shot and Maria tries to sing to him but breaks down crying. I got a few tears out, but then the music just soothed me and I'm all dried up again. I need to rent Life is Beautiful and see if it will do the trick. MC, do you have any recommendations for me?