Tuesday, September 11, 2012

to love or to be loved

If you could either be loved or love someone, but not both, which would you choose?

I related to this post because I tend to have crushes on straight guys who will never love me the way I love them. But in my case that's a blessing since I am a bisexual man married to a woman. 

Sometimes life seems like Send in the Clowns. My wife loved me in a way I couldn't fully love her in return. I have loved some straight men who can't fully love me. But I tell myself I am blessed to have love in my life. I am blessed to be able to love both men and women. And sometimes I believe it.

Send in the Clowns
by Stephen Sondheim

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want -
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Quick, send in the clowns.

What a surprise.
Who could foresee
I'd come to feel about you
What you'd felt about me?
Why only now when i see
That you'd drifted away?
What a surprise.
What a cliché.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother - they're here.


  1. So this is only slightly related. It does contain some more lines that rhyme, but they're not from Stephen Sondheim. And it is yet another reply to a blog. The blogger wants to write a book and wrote a few words of encouragement...

    Sounds like a great plan to me. And if you don't want to write your story as a whole book, well try it as a short story first. Glad you find comfort in writing. I do too. And tho I'm not much of a poet, I do like to play with limericks. So here's one for you.

    There once was a writer named Mimi
    And she'd rather write than watch TV
    A book she did pen
    For women and men
    But her best-selling work ain't just free

  2. *SIGH* , I can relate to the crush thing. Sometimes it sucks to be me...

  3. Ugh, I die.

    This song gets me every time. I can't say that I've ever been in quite the same situation as the character in the song, but his casual, stiff-upper-lip reaction to what must surely be the bitterest pain... it gets me.

    For me, the life of an asexual gets more and more appealing every day. I'm really sick of being loved by women and even more sick of loving unavailable men that to be blissfully oblivious to it all seems relaxing.

  4. I don't think I can answer the question. I'm loved by lots of people, but I wonder why I have not been able to find someone to love me as a partner. It's a melancholy feeling, just like I feel when I hear that song.

  5. If I could only choose one or the other of your two proposed choices, I would choose to love someone. Loving someone is a sublime feeling. And, I am not just talking about romantic love. Love, in its many forms, is sublime. I do not want to live my life without being able to love others. Even if it means I am not loved in return. That would be alright. I would be mostly filled by loving. And, that would be good enough.

    Happy weekend.