Breakfast in the Castro - Sleep

_{Me: Good Monday morning, Mibes! It’s not like you to be late.}

_{Mibes: (gives me a hug) Good morning! I’m sorry, lost track of the time.}

_{Me: No worries. I knew you wouldn’t be long.}

_{Mibes: Thanks for your patience. Glad you're here. How’d you sleep?}

_{Me: Pretty well. I was tired last night and got to bed early for me. I bet I was asleep by 10:30. And you?}

_{Mibes: I’ve also been trying to get more sleep by going to bed earlier. Have you seen the news about sleep deprivation in the United States?}

_{Me: Yes, that we’re a whole nation in need of better sleep. And that sometimes people who are drunk can outperform someone who hasn’t had enough sleep.}

_{Mibes: What I read said you should say away from phones and TV before bed because the blue light from the screens is read by your brain as sunlight.}

_{Me: I should experiment with that. Try to compare my regular routine which usually includes some screen time with no electronics before bed. Or maybe only music.}

_{Mibes: I hope the week goes well for you. All the days and all the nights.}

_{Me: I wish the same for you Mibes. Hope you’re successful in retiring to be early so you’re not weary and arising early so your body and mind may be invigorated.}

_{Mibes: D&C 88:124 I take it?}

_{Me: Yeah, I was reading it before you showed up.}

_{Mibes: And I was late because I was reading Chinese proverbs this morning before I left the house and I lost track of the time for a few minutes.}

_{Me: Find anything good?}

_{Mibes: I liked this one: “One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.”}

_{Me: I guess it could also be that one family tears down a wall and two families enjoy it. Depending of course on the wall and the families.}

_{Me: Sounds like you’ve had some personal experience with that.}

_{Mibes: Just observation.}

_{Me: Love you Mibes! (giving him a hug)}

_{Mibes: Love you more.}

Breakfast in the Castro - Infamy

_{Mibes: Hey before you say a single word, I want a hug.}

_{Me: (giving the hug, speaking no words)}

_{Mibes: Good morning! That’s a great start to my morning. How are you?}

_{Me: Better than I was one minute ago, thanks, and you?}

_{Mibes: Happy to be alive and to be with you on a Sunday morning in December. On a famous day. Or perhaps I should say infamous.}

_{Me: December 7, 1941. My mom said she remembered President Roosevelt on the radio the day after.}

_{Mibes: (pulling out his phone) Amazing. I was looking at Roosevelt’s comments before you arrived.}

_{Me: Is that why you brought it up? We don’t usually talk about history. Or current events for that matter.}

_{Mibes: Here’s what caught my eye: “We will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.”}

_{Me: Wow. I didn’t realize that he used the words “never again” reaching forward into the future.}

_{Mibes: And that two word sentence: Hostilities exist.}

_{Me: That does reach into current events. Our racial divide.}

_{Mibes: And to life itself. We fight against dehydration, starvation, too much exposure in terms of winter or too much isolation, sometimes in terms of even our interactions with ourselves.}

_{Me: Alienation isn’t just about groups.}

_{Mibes: (silence with intense eye contact)}

_{Me: Thank you for caring, Mibes. Thank you for being here.}

_{Mibes: You’re welcome my friend, but remember I get just as much you do from our friendship. Maybe more.}

_{Me: I don’t believe it. But I’m glad you do.}

_{Mibes: Enjoy your Sabbath. (giving me a hug)}

_{Me: Love you, Mibes.}

_{Mibes: Love you more.}

Breakfast in the Castro - Doubt and Understanding

Mibes: Great to see you on a Saturday. What brings you here?
Me: I’ve agreed to meet a friend. And you?
Mibes: The same. But you know if he doesn’t show, I’d be happy to talk with you.
Me: (hugging Mibes) You think you’re so funny.
Mibes: I’m just trying to help you graduate from a smile to laughter.
Me: (forcing some laughter) hahahaha! How’s that.
Mibes: You could do better, but it’s a start.
Me: I have read somewhere that your body can’t really tell fake laughter from the real thing. It’s still good for you.
Mibes: But the real thing is better for the brain, the person, the soul.

Me: No doubt.

Mibes: Speaking of doubt, I found a great saying on doubt and understanding.

Me: Yet another Chinese proverb?

Mibes: How did you guess.

Me: (waiting for Mibes to find it on his phone)

Mibes: With great doubts comes great  understanding, with small doubts little understanding.

Me: I like that.

Mibes: I thought you would. I think you’ll also like this. (hugs me)

Me: Love you Mibes.

Mibes: I love you. Doubts and all.

Breakfast in the Castro - Halo Effect

Me: Good Friday morning, Mibes!

Mibes: (stands up from the table and gives me a hug) Good morning!

Me: How are you on this fine Friday?

Mibes: Never better. After all I'm with you. 

Me: Aw thanks. "Never better" I haven't heard that lately. I like it.

Mibes: Thanks. And you, how are you doing?

Me: I'm OK. I'm better than OK. I'm feeling strong and healthy this morning. And could it be that it's all because of who I am with?

Mibes: Could be.

Me: I love you, Mibes. And I love your optimism. At first I thought it was kind of phony, no one is ever that happy all the time. But as we've met day after day, it seems to me these qualities aren't something you take on and off like your glasses.

Mibes: Maybe. I don't know. Maybe they are the glasses. If I didn't wear them I'm be impaired. Who knows?

Me: What about your doubts, your insecurities, the things that frighten you?

Mibes: Oh I've got them. But you have this kind of halo effect on me. 

Me: Halo effect?

Mibes: Bias, usually based on a good first impression. I see you smiling and I think I love this guy. I have every reason to be optimistic.

Me: I'm no angel. 

Mibes: Of course. But I see you as remarkable. We've talked about this before. Of all the 7-billion and 200-million people now alive on the planet, your the only you. 

Me: The same is true for you. And somehow we have a connection. This connection.

Mibes: Did you study any Chinese proverbs last night?

Me: Nope. But I glanced at Alma 37:37 about going to sleep and waking up with thanks unto God. 

Mibes: Sounds good to me. I'm better at that in the morning than before bed. 

Me: Same here, but I'm going to try it again, morning and night.

Mibes: I might join you. Let me know how it goes.

Me: Love you. (Giving him a hug)

Mibes: Love you more.

Breakfast in the Castro - Cake and Conversation

Me: Mibes, Good morning! (hugging him)

Mibes: Good morning! How’d you sleep?

Me: Fairly well. I’ve slept better and I’ve slept worse, so I’m grateful to have recharged as well as I have. And you?

Mibes: Early to bed early to rise for me. I’ve learned that I do some of my best thinking in the morning, if I’m out of bed.

Me: I’ve noticed that too. If I’m up and in the shower or at my desk, my thoughts are more positive and seem to go somewhere. I'm in bed and not quite awake, not so much.

Mibes: Is it really being up? Have you tried writing in bed?

Me: For me it’s both. I’ve tried grabbing a notebook and just writing in bed. But I’m better off getting up. 

Mibes: I’ve got another Chinese proverb for you.

Me: Shoot.

Mibes: It is difficult to satisfy one’s appetite by painting pictures of cakes.

Me: Makes sense on the surface.

Mibes: And below the surface?

Me: Well if I compare painting pictures of cake to writing about a friendship, I’d say that writing about a friendship does bring some satisfaction. 

Mibes: But the real relationship and the real cake are more satisfying. 

Me: Depends on the cake. Depends on the relationship. 

Mibes: But in general, wouldn’t you rather actually be with someone than write about it? Wouldn’t you rather eat the cake than paint it?

Me: I’d rather do both. I’ve never tried my hand at painting cakes, but I suspect it would increase my enjoyment of not only of eating put perhaps of baking. I think I’d be much more aware of color and texture. And that would make eating even better. 

Mibes: Well for me, I’d much rather actually be here with you, face-to-face as we are right now, than try to write about it after the fact.

Me: Oh me, too. If that’s choice. Certainly.

Mibes: (pausing a few seconds and looking me in the eye) 

Me: But if it’s a choice between no meeting at all and writing about what you’d imagine saying…

Mibes: Then you’d paint the cake.

Me: I would. I have. I will again. And here’s the thing, the process makes my real life conversations better. 

Mibes: You’ve been more confident?

Me: Yes, especially with the ebb and flow of a conversation. The quiet parts. The silences.

Mibes: (silence and a smile)

Me: Yes, like that. I used to always try to jump in and fill the silence. Like I’m doing right now. But now I’m ok with longer silences. Maybe someday we’ll meet here and just eat. No conversation at all.

Mibes: (silence and a smile)

Me: (silence and a smile)

Mibes: Wow, you’re not kidding. I’m surprised you waited for me to break the silence.

Me: (silence and a smile)

Mibes: I like it when you surprise me.

Me: I like it when you’re surprised.

Breakfast in the Castro - Forest Gumpism

Me: Mibes, I’m so glad to see you this morning. I need a hug.

Mibes: Me, too. (hug)

Me: You know how each individual is different?

Mibes: Like you and me? Worlds apart, yet enough common ground to have become good friends in very little time?

Me: Yes. But also seven billion human beings on the planet right now. Each one an individual. 

Mibes: It’s actually more than 7.2 billion, so you missed a couple of hundred million. And about 885 million are hungry and 8500 of those will die today from starvation.

Me: And here we are having breakfast and possibly creating some fodder for a blog.

Mibes: And if it does result in a blog, it will be one of more than 1,035,472 blogs published today. 

Me: Where are you getting this stuff Mibes?

Mibes: worldometers.info

Me: It’s a bit overwhelming, don’t you think?

Mibes: Depends on how you look at it. It really gets back to your point about us all being individuals. Of those 7.2 billion, there’s only one you. You can make contributions, you have made contributions, you will make contributions that no one else does. 

Me: And what could I contribute that might make any difference?

Mibes: That’s the mystery. Maybe it’s something you did years ago that contributed to something that’s already had a huge impact. Maybe it’s something you’ll do today or tomorrow or in the last hour of the last day of your life. And maybe it doesn't change the world, but makes one moment better for someone. Like the time a stranger found your lost wallet on the street and brought it to your home. 

Me: This sounds like Forest Gumpism to me.

Mibes: Didn't know there was such a thing. Maybe. 

Me: Or like the idea that our efforts are like a pebble tossed in water and we don’t see where the waves end. 

Mibes: There you go. 

Me: Along those lines, I don’t know if and when I won’t be able to meet you here each morning, but so far, in just a few days, it’s helped me start the day with a bit more optimism and purpose.

Mibes: Same for me. Yeah, so far, its worth showing up. 

Me: Tomorrow then?

Mibes: I’ll be here.

Me: Me too. And I won't be leaving today without another hug.

Mibes: (laughter) Maybe I'll wear my running shoes tomorrow and you'll have to catch me, first.

Breakfast in the Castro - Drought and Rain

Me: Good morning Mibes, you look even better than I imagined. What did you do?

Mibes: I was just thinking of you.

Me: No seriously, what’s different?

Mibes: Only one thing. Your attitude. Your perception. You’re imagining the handsome man you saw when you were shaving this morning.

Me: I didn’t shave at the gym. I shaved at home.

Mibes: I know. I’m talking about the guy in the mirror. That handsome guy.

Me: Oh that guy. I guess I don’t see myself the way you do.

Mibes: You will. It’s OK. No worries.

Me: Oh that idea that we see others not as they are but as we are?

Mibes: Yup. And so how are you today?

Me: Glad. Happy about many things. People and relationships. Projects and purpose. Christmas lights in the darkness of this time of year. Enjoyed Thanksgiving but am glad to be back at work. And you?

Mibes: Much these same, thanks. I think we bring out optimism in each other. I like your pairing of projects and purpose.

Me: Speaking of purpose, you inspired me to check out some Chinese proverbs yesterday.

Mibes: What’d you find?

Me: “To meet an old friend in a distant land is like refreshing rain after a long drought.”

Mibes: Beautiful.

Me: You’re the friend. Not seeing you is the drought. Our breakfasts are the refreshing rain.

Mibes: And the Castro is a distant land?

Me: Something along those lines, yes.

Mibes: And where do the hugs fit in to all this?

Me: I don’t know. But they feel great.

Mibes: Well give it some thought. (hugs me)

Me: (hugging him back) I’ll do that.

Breakfast in the Castro - A Single Kind Word

Mibes: (smiles as I approach and we hug without any words)

Me: Thanks for meeting with me. Thanks for all the meetings over the Thanksgiving break.

Mibes: You sound like you’re saying goodbye.

Me: No, just grateful.

Mibes: How are you?

Me: Happy and healthy at the moment, thanks! You?

Mibes: Alive and well. Glad to see you. Always glad to see you. I thought of you last night when I read this Chinese proverb: A single kind word keeps one warm for three winters.

Me: You thought I needed to be more kind?

Mibes: (laughter) No. I thought how your kind words to me have kept me warm lately.

Me: Oh Mibes. Well thanks. Thank you. I’ve kind of thought it was the other way around. That your kindness-- that that’s what’s keeping me warm.

Mibes: Probably all of the above. The whole synergy thing.

Me: (silence, just looking him in the eye)

Mibes: (enjoying the silence) I like listening to you when you’re not talking.

Me: Tell me more.

Mibes: You seem much more intelligent when you’re not always talking. 

Me: Much more intelligent? Not always talking? What are you saying now, Mibes?

Mibes: I’m just saying I appreciated the pause. Seems to me like the communication didn’t stop, just the words.

Me: Did you hear music?

Mibes: No. But it was music to my ears.

Me: (hugging Mibes) Love you, Mibes.

Mibes: Love you. Love your love. Love your pauses and your words. Not get out of here. I don’t want you saying I made you late for work. 

Breakfast in the Castro - Separation

Me: Good morning, Mibes. 

Mibes: Good morning. Good Sabbath. How are you?

Me: Glad to be alive. Glad to be with you. Amazed at how much there is to be grateful for. And you? How are you today?

Mibes: Glad to be up and about. Glad to be with you. No place I'd rather be. No one I'd rather be with. So you’re still thinking about Thanksgiving?

Me: Aw, thanks. Yes and no. Yes, I’m still grateful. Yes, I have good memories of this year and years past. But no, I’m not in replay mode, I’m looking forward to this day, this moment, actually.

Mibes: Same here. This moment, right now, with you. 

Me: That’s how I feel. 

Mibes: This isn’t just a writing exercise?

Me: Even if it were, what’s wrong with that? But no it’s not. It’s more. 

Mibes: Yes! Romans says nothing can separate us from the love of God, neither life nor death, things present nor things to come. It’s an inclusive list. I’d like to think that’s also true for us. That nothing could separate us, either.

Me: I hugged you when I got here. And I’ll hug you when I leave, but I’m also hugging you now, Mibes. 

Mibes: (laughing) Are you embracing me or my ideas. 

Me: (also laughing) Both. But you got your ideas from the bible. 

Mibes: True. And you. You inspired me. 

Me: Glad to be of service. But I don’t know about this ideal of nothing getting in the way, nothing separating us from God or each other. It doesn’t take much. Apathy, bigotry, contention, deceit…

Mibes: You and your alphabetic lists. 

Me: How about this: nothing can separate us from the love of God, but as flawed humans we can easily become separated from each other and ourselves. We do sometimes become separated not just from our family and friends but from our best selves. 

Mibes: Yes, and it’s because of the widespread alienation that the connections we do have with our Creator, family, friends and ourselves are a priority, or at least should be.

Me: I knew that sooner or later you’d mention the word the s-word. 

Mibes: "Should"? really? 

Me: It’s OK. In small doses. 

Mibes: We’ll have to talk more about this. We should talk more. We should. 

Me: Love you, Mibes.

Mibes: Love you more.

Breakfast in the Castro - Give them hope

Mibes: Great to see you smiling this morning!

Me: I'm smiling because you're smiling. So what are you smiling about?

Mibes: Several reasons. It's good to see you. I really do look forward to this. Another reason is location. This place. Who has been here. And what they've said.

Me: Milk? Harvey Milk? Harvey Milk on hope?

Mibes: Yes! Exactly. How did you know?

Me: I'm clearly thinking more like you do. And you actually have a kind of Harvey-Milk look on your face, at least the way Sean Penn portrayed him.

Mibes: He was talking about young isolated gays when he said (Mibes, now reading from his phone) "you have to give them hope. Hope for a better world, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for a better place to come to if the pressures at home are too great. Hope that all will be all right. Without hope, not only gays, but the blacks, the seniors, the handicapped, the us'es, the us'es will give up." 

Me: I know what that's like when you lose hope. And when you claim it back again. 

Mibes: I know you do.

Me: So I can see why you're smiling when you talk about hope. It's really one of the most powerful things in the universe.

Mibes: So here's to hope and Harvey Milk.

Me: (giving Mibes a hug) Thanks giving me hope, Mibes.

Mibes: Thanks to you, too, and Harvey Milk and Dustin Lance Black and so many others.

Me: Good luck with the rest of your day.

Mibes: You, too!

Breakfast in the Castro - Black Friday

Me: Mibes! It was crazy getting here with all the Black Friday traffic. I’m glad you made it safely. Your smile is better than a cup of coffee to start my day.

Mibes: Thanks and good morning! You survived your Thanksgiving dinner. Congratulations.

Me: (laughter) I really did enjoy it. It’s so much more than a feast. 

Mibes: Thanks for the report. I thought you’d find it a bit different this year. Not just because of the growth in your family, but because your growth.

Me: You’re right. I was a bit more relaxed. I enjoyed the prep and the process, the people and the place. 

Mibes: There you go with the alliteration. You have too much fun with that.

Me: I do. It interests me, involves insight and intuition, introspection, intelligence, engagement.

Mibes: Enough. 

Me: Ok. I love you, Mikes. More today than yesterday.

Mibes: I’m feeling that love. I’m going to try to make better use of that feeling, that love, that energy. Isn’t it surprising how just a thought or a few words or an intention can change so much for better or worse.

Me: Well so far with you, my thoughts have been more about health than sickness, if you're going for that business about a partnership for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do you part.

Mibes: Talk, talk, talk, talk. I think you’re a bit intoxicated from your celebration. 

Me: Water was my only drink.

Mibes: Maybe your only beverage, but you drank in the color, the candlelight, the scents and smiles. It’s still in your thoughts, isn’t it? You’re still playing back some of those moments.

Me: And my moments with you. I want more.

Mibes: Might be too much of a good thing?

Me: I don’t think so. But we’ll see.

Mibes: Yes we will. Hey you didn't write about our hug yesterday.

Me: So? Just because I didn't write about it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it.

Mibes: (after a long embrace) I want to give you something to write about.

Me: You've succeeded.